From corporate powerhouse
to divine feminine

midwest supression & feminine disconnect

Growing up in the midwest, I lived around a lot of patriarchal repression and was super disconnected from feminine flow. Emotions were seen as weak. My parents told me I was both too sensitive and too serious. In order to be loved and accepted by my dad, I let him make decisions about everything. In this process, I learned to lie to myself and to other people. As I walked into the college that he selected for me, I had no idea what I was doing.

Eating Disorders, recovery, & the healing path

The one thing I could control in my life was food and my image. My Perfectionism + people pleasing mentality x insecurity = an eating disorder. In college, my anorexia turned into bulimia and I struggled tremendously to stay on top of my classes and manage my ED. One day, I went to the mental health clinic where an incredible therapist encouraged me to take a semester off from school. I cobbled together my own treatment program and went back home.

Preserving image was big in my family. There was no conversation around my ED with my family while I was living at home. In fact, I got a job that I could call a "marketing internship" in order to explain away why I had been absent to my peers.   I remember sitting in a support group and seeing the parents of a neighborhood friend, wondering, “Why are her parents were here — and mine aren’t?

Through this process, I became so self-reliant that I pushed others out. Determined to “do it myself”, it would be years before I would embark upon my life long journey of spirituality that has brought so much healing.

Corporate Career burn out

Consequently, I still had no idea who I wanted to be, but I knew that accomplishments and high-powered careers impressed my parents. So, I moved out to SF and quickly blazed through a variety of high tech jobs. I worked for a magazine called CRM, a startup called “PowerAgent” (with the highest burn rate in Silicon Valley), opened a sales office for CBS Sportsline, and set up all the distribution contracts for Women.com. And yet, at this point, I was still doing eenie-meeni-mo to make decisions. This hyper-competitive, relentless, driving energy was damaging many relationships. One fight with a boyfriend ended with both us pointing our fingers at each other saying, “You need a therapist.” Thankfully, I took my own advice. I needed guidance and reassurance about how to be an adult…so I promptly hired a therapist.

Reparenting, Rediscovering, and Realigning With my Truth

Through this work, I saw how my relationship with my parents was affecting my whole life. Just like that, I started to question everything. I would start saying things like, “I don’t know if that’s what I believe. I don’t know if that’s really me.” On the advice of my therapist, I started to schedule one night a month to do nothing. At first, sitting with myself was so challenging that I thought I might implode! I kept at it, though, and through this practice, I was able to understand who I truly am. I developed incredible self-compassion and aligned with what I truly wanted. I released my old career path and went back to school to study contemplative psychotherapy at Naropa.

true personal freedom

From the path of Eastern wisdom taught at Naropa and through the discomfort of sitting in many hours of meditation, my biggest realization was that I have a choice about the way I make meaning in my life. As I started growing in my self-awareness, I began cultivating femininity and trusting myself. I found ways to channel my intuitive and empathic abilities. I began to realize that when I made decisions in alignment with my highest, magic would manifest. I had another level of comfort in my skin. No to scare you, but for a while I even stopped wearing make-up and shaved my head. I boldly stepped into a true level of personal freedom and authenticity that I had never experienced before.

therapeutic background & transformation

Now, after being in private practice for 12 years, I have a beautiful tribe of women who support me. I uncover feminine flow on a daily basis through journaling, intuitive work, and creativity. I have an increased level of self-acceptance. Physically, I am way healthier, my energy is light and grounded. I am introspective and wise. I am embraced and held in community. I connect with my divine energy and that of the many women I have guided through their transformative journeys.

continuing to unfold

In 2016, after a divorce, I set out upon a journey to discover what psychedelics and plant medicines could teach me. I was jettisoned into pure bliss and ego death with 5-MEO-dmt. I traveled to the jungles of Peru to sit with Mother Ayahausca and connect with my ancestors. Climbing Andes mountains, I accessed past lives and deep joy while learning from San Pedro. I have floated through blissful waterways of Jamaica to dive deep with Psilocybin and unearth deep shadows that needed to be processed. Watching as traumas were re-written before my eyes and my nervous system “re-knitted’ with MDMA has been a most profound experience, quite unlike anything I had ever experienced before. All of these experiences have impressed upon me the incredible importance of integration and what happens AFTER the medicine journey - which is often where the real work begins!